THree PoeMs
October 11th
I spent my formative years without a
friend group that felt like me and you can tell
I missed out when I try to forge one now.
They had a head start, I think to myself
as I try to think of anything else
(in vain, again, of course). I’ve been on the
defensive ever since I’ve been any
thing at all, and my people would accept
me as I come, I know that, but they want
me to come as it. They don’t want to see
how the self gets made, nobody wants to
help you dismantle falsehoods enough to
see what’s been starving under your armour.
I know if I get it wrong I’ve failed,
even if it’s on the way to something.
Every time I try to find people who
see me enough to not deem me hiding
someone tries to fuck me. I know it’s not
their fault, but I wish I knew how to say
“Please understand, I am a child here.
I’m scared and want to know myself like you.
I’ve been hurt like this while I live a lie,
please don’t make me start real life like it too.”
you write “NOT AT THIS ADDRESS” on the envelope
leave it on the counter
for about seventeen days or so
waiting to take it to the post box
grow sick of seeing it
then recycle it
you know you won’t open
the tupperware left
at least three weeks so long
but save it a while longer
in case you wash it up later
before throwing it out
because you didn’t
sometimes
when you wish people were dead
they already are
Every Nature Poet Is A Huge Nerd
the most exciting thing that doesn’t involve anything actually thrilling is to go into nature and be still enough that it stops being afraid of you
every time a squirrel comes near me i feel accepted
the birds that fly away when i approach are starting to come up to me
it is so beautiful to be loved by things that have been taught to fear outsiders
it is so beautiful to be kind enough to become an insider
it is so beautiful to be kind
it is so kind to be beautiful
it does not matter what you look like when you are being beautiful
i am covered in glitter
and when i cry with happiness
i don't wipe away the tears
because i like the warmth
i text my friends in the underbrush and also the overbrush
i tell them i love them while rabbits come close
everything is wonderful when i let it be
everything is wonderful when i make it
Alex Russell
Alex Russell is a youth worker and poet who is working on being the happiest they've ever been. It's going well.
Starting www.placeholderpress.co.uk really helped.
Twitter: @alexrussellisok